Thursday June 26th, 2008 / 2 responses

Teenage girl gives birth in bathroom; drowns baby in the toilet

A Texas highschooler was charged with the murder of her newborn son today in the particularly tragic tale of a swirly gone too far.

The 14-year-old, who claims that she didn't know she was giving birth in a bathroom stall at her highschool, must have been quite startled when that particularly difficult turd turned out to look a lot like some random guy she banged in a broom closet nine months earlier when she stole her dad's car to sneak out to that college party with her girls and got sooooo totally wasted on Goldschläger and ate that exstacy.*

But that's nothing compared to the shock authorities got when they arrived and discovered that the girl had stuffed toilet paper down the baby's throat before submerging him in the toilet and drowning him. She had even attempted to flush her child down the toilet.

An autopsy showed that the baby was healthy and had cried before it was killed. The young would-be mother is unfortunately too young to get the death penalty.

* This may or may not have happened - does it really matter? It's not like we're going to damage her precious little reputation.

Sources: MSNBC

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