NEVERQUEASY - Disturbing news from around the world
22-year-old Nicholas Grunke knew from the moment he locked eyes with Laura Tennessen's obituary photo in the paper...she wanted him. She wanted him bad, even thought she had been killed a week earlier in a motorcycle accident.
So, Nick did what any young wannabe-devil-worshiping waste of space adult male would do after being oh-so-coyly propositioned by a dead girl's seductive gaze. He and his best mates grabbed their shovels, donned their faded "Korn" tees and headed to the cemetery, where they located the 20-year-old's fresh grave and started digging.
The plan was for Nicholas to have sex with her rotting corpse, since she obviously wanted it so hard. He had even brought a box of condoms, being the responsible corpse-f*cker type. We wouldn't want little half-dead pseudo-goths running around, now would we?
But unfortunately for poor Nick (and assumably for Laura, who we imagine was looking forward to ending her week-long dry spell), the young men were unable to open the coffin and all three were arrested while attempting to pry off the lid with crowbars.
A Wisconsin court charged the men with attempted sexual assault and ruled that sex with a corpse is illegal, even if the corpse is wearing a short skirt and grinding up against you, because corpses, much like 5-year-olds, cannot give proper consent.
Sources: MSNBC
wow.
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